The release of every new Apple product is a cultural spectacle. You always hear the stories about the people who waited 90 days to get the phone, the ones who flew from halfway around the world — the ones who camped outside the store. What no one tells you is that gazing at the line for the new iPhone is basically like witnessing “The Hunger Games” — with smartphones.
This morning, I descended into the ninth ring of hell (the Fifth Ave Apple Store in New York City) to observe and report on the scene. Here are six things I had to ask myself:
1. Why is everyone basically on the verge of beating each other…for a phone?
NOPE. WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
2. Why is everyone trying to sell me something?
For some reason, I think the last thing the people on-line wanted was a cold apple pie or another T-shirt…I think they just wanted their phones. That’s about it.
3. Why is this guy dressed as a piece of sushi??
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To be fair, this guy was dressed as a plastic bag:
4. Are the people in this line even getting the phone?
Some of them… maybe. Apparently, some people, called “line-holders,” get paid to stand and wait to get the iPhone — only to give it to someone else. One Craiglist ad for line-holders in Dallas promises they’ll get to the store “12 hours early” so that you can show up “30 min before opening.”
5. Why do people keep offering me apple pies?
Oh…I get it. Apples. I see what you did there, McDonald’s.
6. Is this really worth it?
Ask yourselves, is this inhumane treatment really worth it? Maybe it’s time for Apple to start mailing phones day of release. Or sending them via carrier pigeon. That would solve everything.
Whew, that was depressing. Here’s a gratuitous gif of a kitten who wants you to know you are loved.
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