Swimming pools are wonderful, magical places. They are also magnets for embarrassment. The slippery conditions, the lack of clothing, the feeling of invincibility — and all of those scantily clad hotties watching your every move. It’s a great place to get a sunburn and get humiliated.
If you’re at the pool with your friends, go nuts. But if there’s anyone there you remotely want to kiss, avoid setting yourself up for these pool fails at all costs.
1. Don’t Push
If you push someone, you’re going in after them. That’s pool karma 101.
2. Don’t Showboat
99% of pool fails come from ostentatious behavior of some kind, and if your knot is a little loose, a big spinning dive into the pool is the easiest way to show everyone exactly what “shrinkage” is. This guy’s shorts come off in mid-air because he just had to hot dog it, but at least he wore a backup pair underneath. Are you Michael Phelps? If yes, then hey man, nice job in the Olympics. If no, then don’t show off.
3. Don’t Belly Flop
A belly flop is a great way to make everyone laugh for about eight seconds (especially if they’re pranking you), and then a great way to spend the next hour in complete agony. And to the fat kids out there: Don’t do it, bro. Don’t exploit your fatness for laughs. She won’t decide she likes you because your big belly is red now.
4. Don’t Back Flip
Front flips are easy: Just jump and aim forward. Back flips are the best way to end up on Vine, hashtag fail. Hashtag hospital.
5. Don’t Dunk
Look at that kid. That’s you, man. You ain’t LeBron, you’re LeDrown.
6. Don’t Roof Dive
As cool as you may look way up on the roof before you jump, calling your mommy from the ambulance is a turnoff.
7. Don’t Twerk
Your mom always told you not to run at the pool. Don’t dance, either…
Evan Scott Schwartz
Evan Scott Schwartz is a writer from New York City. He does not know how to wink.
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