By now, you should be most of the way through the complex emotional process of accepting that more “Twilight” movies are in the works — which means that it’s time to start looking ahead to more important things, like entering the contest to direct one of them.
As MTV News reported earlier this week a multi-phase competition is in the works to find five aspiring female filmmakers, who will be selected by a panel of powerful women — among them Stephenie Meyer, Kristen Stewart, Kate Winslet, Octavia Spencer, and “Twilight” director Catherine Hardwicke — to direct short films featuring characters from the “Twilight” universe. And while no details have been released yet about exactly when and how the contest will kick off, it’s never too early to start studying up on your “Twilight” moviemaking technique, with this list of essential tips.
1. Make sure you know the difference between a Denali and a Volturi.
2. Re-read every “Twilight” book to get totally immersed in the Twiliverse.
3. Buy body glitter in bulk.
4. Also, red contact lenses.
5. Start scouting multi-million dollar homes, Brazilian private islands, and secret underground enclaves in Italy for your characters to hang out in.
6. Remember: vampires prefer to hunt in haute couture, so budget for wardrobe accordingly.
7. Give Charlie Swan’s mustache as much screen time as possible. It’s a crowdpleaser.
8. Use a green filter to desaturate all your shots, creating a moody color scheme and giving all your vamps some authentic pallor.
9. Think outside the box! The sporting drama of vampire baseball, for instance, is a goldmine of untapped potential.
10. Audition a minimum of 300 actors to find the one with the perfect Aro cackle.
11. Be sure to include at least one dramatic establishing shot of Pacific Northwestern forest, so that everyone knows it’s a “Twilight” movie.
12. Give your supernaturally gifted characters a chance to show off.
13. Don’t skimp on your soundtrack! Musical interludes are a must.
14. To preserve continuity with the other films, onscreen babies should be digitized.
15. If you’re putting Emmett in your movie, you must include a minimum of one arm-wrestling scene.
16. When in doubt, make a werewolf take his shirt off.
17. Better yet, have all of them take their shirts off.
18. Don’t worry about the fans; as long as you give them a happy ending, they’ll forgive you for just about anything.
19. And if you ever get nervous that you don’t know what you’re doing, let a “Twilight” expert assure you that in this universe, anything goes.
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