To some, Dwight Howard is an overpaid, slightly petulant manchild who routinely quits on teams and believes he is hilarious despite mounting evidence to the contrary.
Slim Thug does not agree with that assessment. The way he sees it, Howard is cream of the NBA’s 2013 free agency crop, a misunderstood, marquee player capable of bringing multiple titles to whichever team he signs with. And Thug is determined to make that team his hometown Houston Rockets.
Houston is one of several teams vying for Howard’s services, and they’re seen by many to be one of the frontrunners, along with the center’s former team, the Los Angeles Lakers. The thing is, the Lakers can offer him more money than anyone else … so Thug has taken it upon himself to alert Howard to some of Houston’s many advantages, via a series of inspired tweets that set the Internet ablaze on Monday.
And one day after his initial pitch, Thug was still selling Houston to Howard when he got on the phone with MTV News (ironically, he was calling from Los Angeles).
“I was trying to tell him the best things, from my standpoint; I know the Rockets ran a lot of good things by him [in their pitch to the big man], but I was talking in terms of women,” Thug told MTV News. “Obviously he loves women, and if you love women, Houston is a great place, D. I seen your baby mama on ‘Basketball Wives,’ and there’s plenty out here that are way better than her that I’m sure he would enjoy. Not only that, we got the best strip clubs … Houston’s a real big, beautiful city.”
Oh, and about those strip clubs: Thug made those a big part of his presentation, even going so far as to “introduce” Howard to some of Houston’s, uh, better known ladies in a tweet. And he maintains that, when it comes to the art of the exotic dance, L.A.’s got nothing on H-Town.
“L.A.’s strip clubs [are] horrible. They don’t even really have no strip clubs that he can go to. Not at all. Everything closes at two, and it’s all over. But if you go to Houston? Oh my God,” Thug laughed. “Dreams Houston has some of the most beautiful women in America. It’s a beautiful thing, man. And a lot of NBA, NFL all types of ballplayers are present every weekend in there. So I sent him a few pictures of the top strippers in the city, I’m sure he enjoyed that.”
There’s also the matter of Houston’s Galleria mall, which Thug said is better than anything in Los Angeles … and he’s not just talking about the food court, either.
“The Galleria in Houston is probably two miles big, and they have every store. They’ve got everything in one place,” he explained. “And there’s always beautiful ladies walking around. Whenever you low on women, you can always go to the Galleria and find you one. Especially Dwight Howard, he’s good. They can’t miss him, and the thing about girls in Houston, they love successful men, so once he hits the city and they see how tall he is, it’s over. He’s gonna be a hog in heaven.”
Ulitmately, Thug said he’s not sure if his pitch will pay off — he admits that he hasn’t heard from Howard or anyone close to him — but he hopes D-12 will come to his senses, forego a big L.A. pay day and come to Houston. Because the sky’s the limit; and really, Slim’s tired of waiting for another championship parade in his hometown. The future is now.
“Man, I hope he will come to Houston, and we grab somebody like Josh Smith, man that would make me so happy. But I like the Rockets now, as a young team, and with Dwight and maybe a Josh Smith or someone? I’m for real; we’re going all the way,” he said. “We’re missing a few pieces from being a real team that can compete at a championship level. It’s been a minute since we went back-to-back, it was way back then, and I’m ready to celebrate. We need that in Houston.”
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