There’s Going To Be A ‘Goonies’ Sequel — Here’s How To Cope

If you’re a living, breathing human between the ages of 20 and 35, chances are you have some pretty strong feelings about Richard Donner’s 1985 film “The Goonies.” (Apologies to the dead and those forcibly holding their breath, you’ll have to find your own movie.) Nary a Millennial can say they’ve never done the Truffle Shuffle or greeted their pals with a bellow of “heyyyyyyy yoooouuuuuu guuuuyyyyyyyyys.”

So it’s only natural that you might be having some feelings about Donner’s comments that there’s definitely maybe going to be a sequel to the classic movie, and that he plans to bring back all of the original cast, lil hobbit Sean Astin, President Josh Brolin and Corey Feldman included. Bwuh? What do I do with my hands? What about my face? Will it be good? But maybe it’ll be cool! What’s happening? Should we just let this movie live on in untarnished perfection? But we want more! Who would play Sloth? Will Robert Davi take a break from singing Sinatra covers to be in the sequel? Is this real life?

To help sort out our complex and varied emotions surrounding the news, we turned to the Kübler-Ross Model, better known as the five stages of grief, as well as our favorite little adventurers, the Goonies themselves. Take a cue from the gang while working through the steps below, and just remember: Goonies never say die.

1. Denial