When news broke last night that Britney Spears had ended her relationship with David Lucado, her boyfriend of a year and a half, I bet a sizable chunk of the Britney Army immediately set about curating the ultimate breakup playlist.

I’m thinking “Everytime” on repeat for hours with “Out From Under,” “Someday I Will Understand” and “From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart” to shake things up every couple O’ hundred plays?

As for the “Work Bitch” singer herself, her loneliness is definitely not killing her — at least by the looks of a new Instagram video, which she captioned: “When you’re having a sh-tty day…” Her advice seems simple enough to follow.

Step one: Find some shoes with hearts on them.

Instagram (@britneyspears)

Step two: Be Britney Spears.

Getty Images

Here, she explains it better. Stay strong(er than yesterday), Brit!

John Walker

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.

In an apparent effort to top NBC’s forthcoming live production of “Peter Pan” starring Allison Williams, Jimmy Kimmel announced that his host network has theatrical plans of its own. The host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” revealed that ABC will air the musical “Annie” this November, and it will star none other than… Ed Sheeran?

Related: Ed Sheeran Dumps An Ice Bucket On Courteney Cox

OK, so this announcement was obviously not legit, but I’ve gotta say that the Best Male VMA winner’s portrayal of Little Orphan Annie could use some work. I mean, I’m pretty sure the lyrics to “Tomorrow” don’t go: “The… Jimmy, I can’t f-cking do this, man.” And he could’ve at least tried to keep Sandy on all fours. Quvenzhané Wallis would never.

John Walker

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.

Today, 5 Seconds Of Summer surprised their fandom with news of a convention later this year. Despite the fact that 5SOS only gave their followers about 12 hours of warning for Derp Con, the announcement still managed to trend worldwide. Think about it — they can literally just do that.

The Derp Con site opens with a scrolling “Star Was”-inspired intro about superheroes, saving the universe, and “like also some ninjas with like bombs that one time.” Translation: Fans of the pop-punk Aussies can enter for a chance to win a flight out to the convention, held at The Forum in Inglewood, California — a.k.a. where the guys performed “Amnesia” at the 2014 VMAs.

There, they’ll get to hang out with each other, hit up 5SOS’ biggest headlining show yet, and participate in a whole lot of general “banding.” Ummmm, maybe this video can explain it better than me.

How excited are you, 5SOS Fam?

Ready your nerves with their VMA performance.

John Walker

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Iggy Azalea’s breakthrough hit, “Fancy” featuring Charli XCX, got a remix today from noted fancywoman Lil’ Kim, and the results are as fancy as you’d expect. Sorry, did I say “remix”? The Brooklyn rapper actually dubs the near-minute of audio a “G-mix.” My apologies, Ms. Jones.

Related: Lil’ Kim Gets Explicit On Her “No Flex Zone” Remix

“I’m so fancy, please don’t touch me/ I’m fashionably late so please don’t rush me,” says Kim on the verse, before Charli comes in with her ridiculously infectious hook. Do you think that’s a reference to her Hard Core Mixtape 2k14, set to drop (at laaaaaaaast) on September 11? Either way, I’m just gonna go ahead and not rush the Queen Bee.

Listen to Lil’ Kim’s “G-mix” of Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” featuring Charli XCX below.

And ICYMI, here’s Iggy Azalea’s “Black Widow” performance at the 2014 VMAs featuring Rita Ora.

John Walker

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.

Beyoncé looks flawless in her new spread for CR Fashion Book — and in other news, water’s wet. She’s Beyoncé. She wakes up like that. What is unexpected about her feature in former Vogue Paris editor in chief Carine Roitfeld’s publication, however, is that the “Drunk In Love” singer contributed a poem in lieu of a traditional interview. That’s right. Beyoncé. Wrote. A. Poem. Written by Beyoncé. This. Is. Not. A. Drill.

Related: Check Out Beyoncé’s Entire CR Fashion Spread

Titled “Bey the Light,” the poem features the VMA performer’s words “remixed” by writer Forrest Gander. Displaying the same frenetic, connection-making thought process shown in HBO’s “Life Is But a Dream,” the poem touches on everything from Blue Ivy to what Bey has learned from her “Sasha” persona, both onstage and in the bedroom. (As the French say, LE GASP.)

Perhaps most intriguing are Beyoncé’s thoughts on her “healing” role as a singer, or as she describes it: “a vessel for … breakups and lies and double-cross.”

Read a full transcription of “Bey The Light,” Beyoncé’s poem for CR Fashion Book, below.

Pierre Debusschere/CR Fashion Book

Pierre Debusschere/CR Fashion Book

The time for wiggling has passed. Noted booty enthusiast Jason Derulo has officially taken things to the next level with “Bubblegum,” an anthem for anyone overcome with the uncontrollable urge to pop it.

The Talk Dirty single got an equally popping lyric video on Wednesday — eye-popping that is — that shows the lyrics bursting like overblown gum.

Related: Will Jason Derulo Sing His Name For James Franco?

The popping only ramps up when featured rapper Tyga comes in with his verse, which concludes with a much-appreciated reference to Lil’ Kim’s “Crush On You”: “And I need me a ride or die, who’s a freak/ Got seven different girls every day of the week.”

Resistance is futile. Watch Jason Derulo’s “Bubblegum” lyric video below.

(Warning: NSFW language.)

John Walker

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.

None other than Jessie J popped by Grammys HQ (presumably The National Academy Of Recording Arts & Sciences in Santa Monica, California) on Wednesday for a post-VMA “afternoon acoustic set.” Apparently that’s just a thing she does. Are you heading back east anytime soon, J? I’m sure our HQ could use some QT with you.

Related: Jessie, Ariana, And Nicki Team Up For Killer VMA Opener

While there, the “Bang Bang” singer performed the as-yet-unheard song “Burnin’ Up” off her forthcoming third studio album, Sweet Talker. The track, which will feature 2 Chainz on the LP, is all about losing control as things heat up between lovers lovahs: “Hot in the kitchen like a thousand degrees/ That’s how I’m feeling when you’re next to me/ I got a fever, tell me what did you do?/ Temperature rising when I look at you, look at you.”

Anyone getting some En Vogue “Free Your Mind” vibes from this? So down.

Before Jessie opened the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards with a bang (bang), we caught up with her to ask her anything and everything we could about her new album. Along with 2 Chainz guesting on “Burnin’ Up,” the album will feature collaborations with Nicki Minaj, Ariana Grande, Tinie Tempah, and De La Soul.

Sweet Talker will be released in the U.S. on October 14. Ready your fire-safety preparedness accordingly.

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With a couple of days off from the Australian leg of her tour, Lady Gaga did what anyone with some time to kill Down Under would do: She stuck her hand in a kangaroo’s pouch to see what the hype was all about made a surprise cameo during the Queen + Adam Lambert Tour stop at Sydney’s Allphones Arena.

The Sydney Morning Herald reports that although she only joined the guys onstage for one song — Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust” — the King of the Glamberts did serenade the “G.U.Y.” singer with her namesake, “Radio Gaga,” once she was back in the audience.

“So much fun tonight,” Adam captioned an Instagram portrait of them taken backstage at the venue. Thanks for the invite!

Instagram (@adamlambert)

John Walker

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Rachel Berry’s Ohio homecoming on Season 6 of “Glee” isn’t the only Ryan Murphy shocker hitting the Internet today… The writer/producer also presented the first piece of official “American Horror Story: Freak Show” cast art, which The Hollywood Reporter premiered exclusively on August 27.

Focusing on what THR dubs a “troupe of curiosities” in 1950s Florida, the fourth season of the FX anthology series will feature cast newcomer Michael Chiklis as a “strong man” type, “AHS” lifer Sarah Paulson as a two-headed woman, and Jessica Lange as some sort of human-feather boa hybrid. Wait, she’s just wearing a feather boa. Either way, here for it.

For more info on “American Horror Story: Freak Show,” hit up The Hollywood Reporter!

The Hollywood Reporter/20th Century Fox Television/FX

And just in case you thought we were done here — surprise, bitch! A new “Freak Show” teaser video hit YouTube on August 26, and it features an acrobat with three legs swinging through the air on some sort of ring. Some sort of creeeeeeepy ring.

Just think of all the three-legged races she could win.

“American Horror Story: Freak Show” returns to FX on October 8.

John Walker

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.

The lyrics to Fifth Harmony’s “Bo$$” raise a lot of questions. Do I consider myself a Maybach or a Volvo? Do I hope to one day end up with a Kanye or a Ray J? Should I do the nae nae every time I swipe my card? Most times? Sometimes? Never? And my purse — why isn’t it heavy with Oprah Dollars? Ricki bills? Tyra bucks? Even Bethenny change?

I finally got some answers last Saturday thanks to a few well-known YouTubers — Ricky Dillon, Andrea Russett, Jenn McAllister, and accredited Friday scholar Rebecca Black — at a pre-VMA meetup with their subscribers in Los Angeles. How did they answer all those “Bo$$” questions up top? Watch the video below to find out.

Rebecca Black, Ricky Dillon, Andrea Russett, and Jenn McAllister take the 5H-inspired “Bo$$ Po££”!

ICYMI, check out Artist To Watch winners Fifth Harmony perform “Bo$$” at the 2014 VMA Pre-Show.

John Walker

Bad at filling out bios seeks same.