If you want to enjoy all the drama, humor, excitement, and heartbreak of “The Fault in Our Stars,” but you don’t have time in your busy schedule to a) see the movie, and b) spend the next 24 hours lying on the floor and sobbing over what it just did to your feelings, then here’s a smart solution cooked up just for you by the folks at MTV Other.

This emoji version of Hazel and Augustus’s love story conveys all the important plot points from this summer’s hottest teen romance, but it’s also, gratefully, a wee bit too whimsical to wreck you the way the actual movie would. That cute little skull makes the movie’s tragic ending seem almost charming!

Kat Rosenfield

If you woke up this morning to find that all your wifi-connectable deviced had been reduced to a smoking pile of ash and rubble, now you’ll know who to blame. It was undoubtedly the fault of Kate Upton, who posted a topless, tousled selfie to Instagram without adequately fireproofing the entire world beforehand. (And let’s not even talk about the part where it’s hashtagged #nofilter).

This is the first ever-so-slightly risque shot to appear on Upton’s Instagram, which usually showcases peeks at the model’s life behind the scenes on photo shoots or spending time with friends. But the photo strikes a frankly genius balance, managing to be both outrageously sexy and safe for work at the same time, thanks to an artfully placed bedsheet.

Still, take care not to look too long, lest your eyeballs and/or your pants spontaneously combust.

Kat Rosenfield

The ineffective plastic minions of the Dark Side have invaded Middle America!

According to local Kansas news station KWCH, several people in Salina were thoroughly freaked out yesterday when a stormtrooper in full Death Star regalia was spotted walking down the street.

At least one concerned citizen, noting that the trooper was “armed,” called the police, who discovered the man in the white plastic suit was not actually an invader from deep space, but just an ordinary dude named Chris Burns who was making a Vine with his friend.

Of course, the good people of Salina had nothing to fear, since even if this had been a real stormtrooper, he would have posed no danger to anyone due to his inability to hit any sort of target, ever.

Reportedly, here’s the Vine that Burns and his buddy made:

What do you think? Do stormtroopers pose a danger to small town America?

Kat Rosenfield

What does the Man of Steel have in common with the X-Men’s Wolverine? At first glance, not much! One is an alien; the other, a mutant. One, a wholesome defender of truth, justice, and the American way; the other, a bestial cigar-smoking bad boy with a chip on his shoulder that’s as impenetrable as his adamantium skeleton. They’re not even part of the same universe, with Superman hailing from DC Comics and Wolverine hailing from Marvel.

But in their most recent movie appearances, the two are brothers… in body hair.

In 2013, both these superheroic gentlemen turned up onscreen sporting spectacular small forests of hairy hair on their pecs. Which, in the world of comic-book movies, makes them really weird. From Captain America Steve Rogers emerging post-transformation from his science cocoon, to Tony Stark performing maintenance on his ARC reactor, to Spider-Man having a chest wound gently tended by Gwen Stacy, the manly men who play our heroes almost never have noticeable body hair. Even the Hulk, post-transformation, is possessed of an epidermis as smooth as a gamma-irradiated baby’s butt!

Have you ever wondered how these superheroes find time in their busy schedules to achieve such a consistent level of grooming? So did we. And so, MTV News sat down with grooming expert and professional body waxer Sarah Giggar, for a critical analysis of superhero grooming.

Obligatory note: Nobody who participated in this interview has ever personally been party to any actual actor/superherogrooming rituals.

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HERO: The Amazing Spider-Man

BODY HAIR LEVEL: ...

In case you haven’t heard, Jennifer Lawrence is officially the most powerful woman in Hollywood, having edged out her fellow female actors (plus every male one except Robert Downey, Jr.) for a top spot on the Forbes Celebrity 100. Ranked at #12 with a whopping $34 million earned in the past year, Lawrence now has more clout than any other leading lady.

And having taken her place at the top of the heap, there’s just one thing left for J-Law to do: Get drunk. WITH POWER. How? Below, we’ve rounded up our top 19 entries on the 2014 Jennifer Lawrence Megalomania Bucket List.

1. Commission a giant fiberglass statue in her own likeness and install it on top of the Empire State Building.

2. Publish a six-volume anthology of fart jokes.

3. Fund a genetic research institute for creating real-life X-Men.

4. Buy one million pizzas.

5. Install a pizza-dispensing device in every room in her house.

6. Build a house made entirely of pizza, that is also full of pizza-dispensing devices.

7. Quadruple her extensive butt plug collection.

8. Hire a bunch of desperate peasants to stage a real-life Hunger Games; appoint herself President and Head Gamemaker.

9. Launch a fitness empire with a line of branded vagina-exercising videos.

10. Clone herself.

11. Buy a football team.

12. Buy a football league.

13. Buy a football league and populate every team entirely with Jennifer Lawrence clones.

14. Turn the clones into an army and invade Lichtenstein. Or Rhode Island.

15. Overthrow the government of an ...