Good news, guys: Women aren’t as turned on by greased-up, banana-hammock clad strippers as you might think. Suck it, Magic Mike. The bad news? What she really wants is her own personal Ken doll to order around however she sees fit…and one bold new company is about to make that dream a reality. Uh oh.

A San Francisco startup is launching this fall to cater to women’s inner goddesses by letting them hire “ManServants” to wait on them hand and foot. Basically, it’s like an Uber for cabana boys. And yes, it’s completely, 100 percent real. For years, Beyonce’s been demanding that everyone “bow down” because girls “run the world,” so in hindsight, we really should’ve seen this one coming.

ManServants.co

But there’s more: They’re hiring! The company’s looking for “hot pool boy types” who can keep their “penis and hands to themselves” (read: NO SEX, so keep it in your pants). According to its website, hired ManServants will be expected to “serve drinks, light cigarettes, take Instagram photos, feed grapes and go above and beyond the call of duty to fulfill a lady’s every wish.”

As part of the deal, the woman (Master? First lady? We’re still unclear what to call her) gets to “shop” for her ideal man by picking his look, kinda like designing a Sim. Then she’ll set your dress code and pick a name for you, meaning you could be donned in a tuxedo answering to “George Clooney” or rockin’ a ...