Halloween is a couple days away, and your costume looks super realistic, right? Not compared to this one.

Andrew Holland, a 51-year-old bus driver from Wales, recently announced a campaign to change the country’s obscenity laws after police arrested him in 2009 for possessing animal pornography — but there was only one problem: It was just a furry cosplaying Tony the Tiger.

“That beats doing Frosties ads for a living,” the tiger apparently says, adding, “That’s grrrrrrreat!”

This story sounds insane, but we confirmed it with North Wales police. We’ll give you a second for your head to stop hurting.

Related: Hey, Tinder Bros, Your Tiger Selfie Just Became Illegal In New York

Unfortunately, Holland claims that police didn’t listen to the audio. “[W]hen I told them to listen to it, and it was obvious it was a man in a tiger costume, they just replied they didn’t have audio,” he told the Daily Post.

Holland says that a friend sent him the six-second clip as a joke.

“I lost my job, I had to move and I ended up having a heart attack with all the stress of it,” Holland says in an interview with the Independent. “I was threatened on more than one occasion.”

We asked a police spokesperson to explain how this possibly happened. “It’s five years old — we’re not commenting,” he said, but acknowledged that the charges were dropped within a year and that Holland is now “calling for some ...

The itch tells you to yank the hair out. From your scalp, or your eyebrows, or your arms, or anywhere else — each and every follicle. You often have zero awareness when you’re doing it. And you may always be doing it.

Such a compulsion is hard for most of us to imagine, but it’s a day-to-day, minute-to-minute struggle for 4% of the population — one out of every 25 Facebook friends you have — and it’s one of the most common mental health issues that teenagers face. Also, one of the most misunderstood.

Many sufferers are able to cover it up, but with the internet allowing them to find each other and form communities, not all feel the need to hide any longer. Here are some of their stories.

If you have trich, you’ll look down and see this. Probably every day.

Nicole Santamorena, 19, sophomore, Fashion Institute of Technology: “Every time I got up in class, I noticed I had hair all over my desk. My mom asked why I had bald spots. I didn’t even know that I was pulling — I just thought, ‘OK, I’m shedding.’”

Mackensie Freeman, 15, Atlanta, Georgia: “I’ll put my hand down, but two minutes later I’ll be pulling again without even remembering when my hand went up to pull — it’s an automatic gesture.”

It normally develops at puberty. Nearly 90% of sufferers are girls.

Dr. Suzanne Mouton-Odum, StopPulling.com: “My personal belief, after seeing hundreds with the disorder, is it has a lot to do ...

The next “X-Men” movie, “X-Men: Apocalypse,” will be set in the 1980s, which means it’s recasting the role of Storm, along with Cyclops and Jean Grey. And while Lupita Nyong’o may be the fan favorite to take over Halle Berry’s role, Melanie Iglesias from “Girl Code,” “Guy Code” and “Off the Bat from the MLB Fan Cave” just proved she can rock Ororo Munroe’s costume.

At midnight, Melanie gave her 723,000 Twitter followers a sneak preview:

Related: James Marsden Knows Who Should Play X-Men’s Young Cyclops

Soon, she revealed some seriously intense contact lenses:

BFF Lisa Ramos partied alongside as “Zombahontas”:

Storm wasn’t the only superhero having fun at 2:34 a.m.:

By 4:17, though, Melanie stepped out of character:

Turns out, she isn’t Halloween’s biggest fan:

OK, geeks, time to take a cold shower. Get it? “Cold”? Because Storm controls the weather?

Related: Watch Audrina Patridge Transform Into ‘X-Men’ Mutant Mystique

Marty Beckerman @martybeckerman

It doesn’t seem like Darth Vader would care about the democratic process — the people of Alderaan never voted “yes” on a ballot measure to get blown up by the Death Star — but he has become the face of voter disenfranchisement in Ukraine…because he wouldn’t show his face.

Here in the U.S., voting rights are a major issue, especially as the November election approaches. Well, over in Kiev, a man formerly named Viktor Shevchenko — who’d filed to change his name to “Darth Vader” and attempted to run as a presidential candidate, promising that “a military space station will be built” — was turned away from the polls, because the law apparently forbids voting while masked. Here’s the video:

People dressed as Stormtroopers had accompanied Vader as he rolled up in a van blasting the “Imperial March.” He belongs to the Internet Party of Ukraine, which advocates for “electronic government against bureaucracy,” NBC reports.

“It’s sad,” Darth Vader told reporters after learning that his vote wouldn’t count. “The fact that I did not vote doesn’t mean that my empire will not win.”

In other words: Ukranian election officials, you underestimate the power of the Dark Side. And there’s a reason why he wears that helmet. Would you rather have him show up to vote like this?

Marty Beckerman @martybeckerman

They say you should try to stay at your job for at least one year, but Symone Greene — a 22-year-old former substitute English teacher at Options Public Charter School in Washington, D.C. — didn’t even make it 24 hours.

According to D.C. police, a 17-year-old student flirted with Greene last Friday, her first day at the school, and said that he wanted to have sex with her a specific number of times to match his football jersey number. Instead of sending him to the principal’s office, Greene gave the student her phone number, authorities say. He texted to ask whether she was “kinky,” and she allegedly replied, “I don’t tell I show.”

(An English teacher didn’t use punctuation? Really?)

Related: Two Female Teachers Arrested For Threesome With Male Student

Later that evening, authorities say the two met in her classroom while other students and staff were at a pep rally. She later allegedly asked him not to tell anyone about the oral sex at her desk, explaining a little too late that “it is not right for a student and teacher to have a relationship,” but he showed a surreptitiously recorded video to his teammates.

Although the student was over the legal age of consent for D.C., that’s irrelevant in the case of teachers abusing students, reports the local NBC station. Greene is pleading not guilty to the charges, and won’t be allowed to teach at the school again. Watch the report below:

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Over the weekend, we told you about an Italian couple who reportedly started having sex in the Mediterranean Sea and finished in the ER, because their genitals wouldn’t disunite. It sounds outlandish — hell, we can barely figure out the physics of intercourse in the bathtub — but there’s an actual medical explanation for it. And the basic concept is pretty much this:

It’s caused by a vaginal spasm, and apparently in the Italian couple’s case, the water added a significant suction increase. We asked Dr. Yvonne Fulbright — formerly Astroglide’s go-to sexologist, who now has her own line of products — to pull us in and grip us with her knowledge…

Penis captivus started as an urban legend a long, long time ago

“Just hearing the term ‘penis captivus’ can have one shuttering,” says Dr. Fulbright. “Penis capitvus is an idea that started in medieval times. People feared that the penis could get ‘sucked into’ the vagina during the missionary position, possibly forever.”

Legit medical studies have found evidence to support the theory

“While largely hearsay, and chalked up mostly as mythical, an article published in a 1979 issue of the British Medical Journal claims that penis captivus has occurred very rarely to humans throughout history. Apparently, a handful of couples have gotten locked inseparably during sexual intercourse. This is actually pretty common with dogs.”

Related: 22 Facts To Make You Feel Better (Or Worse) About Your Sex Life

Unless you’re a ...