Remember the eighth-grade metal band that got a $1.7 million record deal back in July? Well, they’re not the only young people rocking the H-E-double-hockeysticks out of their instruments. While the heavy metal scene is dude-heavy, YouTube shows us that it won’t be dude-dominated for long. Don’t believe us? Watch these deceptively adorable prodigies display awesome musical expertise.

Audrey and Kate

Ten-year-old guitarist Audrey and her surly, singing sibling, Kate, made headlines in July with this display of sonic brutality, relentlessly slaying a Slayer song, and having fun doing it, too. Note the unbridled joy in Audrey’s face as her little sister screams, ferociously, into a swimming pool noodle. This is metal in its rawest form.

Zoe

You want to challenge your guitar skills? Try playing along with a Finnish symphonic metal band that has a drummer named Rolf. You’ll be humbled, especially after you watch 11-year-old Zoe Thomson do it flawlessly. Don’t feel too defeated. Zoe has an advantage, because she attends Newbury Rock School. That’s right. They have Rock Schools in England. Move to England, now.

Aaralyn

Here’s a good litmus test for measuring the thrashworthiness of your band: Does your music confuse Heidi Klum? It does?! Good. That means you thrash hard, just like Aaralyn and her older brother, Isaiah. What’s that? And you strike fear into the heart of Scary Spice? Congratulations. You’re a brave, heroic metal princess.

Elisabetta

Elisabetta is the youngest and most frightening prodigy on our list. Rarely do you ...

It’s beach season, and dudes are out there trying to look as alpha as possible on the boardwalk — but that doesn’t mean you should reverse-Pinocchio yourself into a human toy just to compete with the biggest, best-looking guys on the pontoon boat this summer. (Also: Don’t spend over $100,000 to look like Bieber, OK?)

If you must change your body, do it naturally at the gym — uh, y’know, like Carrot Top. Otherwise you might end up like these experiments of science…

1. The Guy Who’s A “Human Ken Doll”

Proudly calling himself “The Human Ken Doll,” Justin Jedlica has undergone 149 cosmetic procedures to look like a Mattel toy. You’ve gotta give it to him: He’s got the look down (especially the hair, which shines gloriously). But the real problem with chasing the “Ken doll” dream is that it leads, inevitably, to the removal of your genitals.

2. The Guy Whose Man-Boobs Can Dance

We hate to dredge this guy up after Brazil received such a shameful shellacking last Tuesday, but the Brazilian bodybuilder known online as “Synthol Man” (who reportedly claims that his body is natural) makes us appreciate a leaner physique.

If you do get muscle implants or injections, they’ll look weird, like you’re smuggling mangoes, subcutaneously. Oh yeah, and this might happen…

3. The Guy Whose Man-Boob EXPLODED From Bacteria

TLC