Just when you thought you had banished the earwormy hook of Kanye West’s “Bound 2” (uh-huh, honey) from your head, here come James Franco and Seth Rogen, ruining everything.
The duo gifted the internet on Monday (November 25) with a shot-for-shot remake of West’s spectacularly weird, Windows 97 screensaver-esque music video for the track, extracurricular fashion rants not included. According to a title card at the beginning of the video, this is the result of the two having some downtime and, apparently, a green screen, on the set of .
For the purposes of close analysis, we clipped and GIFed key sequences from the video. Who wore that motorcycle best: Kimye or Jeth?
The Squinty Blink
Both Rogen and Kardashian have that coy over the shoulder look down, and we’re not going to argue with a majestic rolling hill backdrop, but Kim is really showing what that wind machine can do. Point: Kim.
Ridin’ Dirty
Who needs a vibrating motel bed when you can just get your kicks on a motorcycle, right? It’s a close call, but points to Franco and Rogen for this one. Look how tender that is.
Silhouette
Color us eternally intrigued by a coquetteish silhouette, but this one clearly goes to Kim. Seth, you couldn’t even take off your glasses? It’s like the sexy shadow version of VPL.
Make-outs
Everyone loves a little tongue hockey, but with apologies to the affianced, Rogen and Franco take this. Not only do they look really determined, but we’re sticklers for continuity. I.E. why is her hair blowing like that if they’re driving forward? This tie is mostly broken on a technicality, but if we don’t defend science, who will?
Mouth Thing
It’s an alluring silhouette rematch! This time, the underdog Rogen takes the points, not only because he lost the glasses, but also for overall awareness of his body position. Kim, if you’re in silhouette, don’t put your arm over your face. Like Tyra always says, you just need to be really aware of your angles. Sometimes, a weird fish-out-of-water mouth burble does so much more than a flail of an arm ever could.
Bike Cuddles
It’s kind of sweet, right? While we applaud Rogen’s full-fledged commitment to the shirtless gimmick, we’d rather live inside whatever lovely PC screensaver Kim and Kanye are driving through. Location, location, location.
Space Sex
Reach for the stars! Kardashian and Rogen do just that, and they both do it splendidly. While we could detract points for the ongoing wind machine issues, the win goes to Kim and Kanye, because it all just looks really mystical.
Jamaican Vacation
Riddle us this: How are you gon’ be mad on vacation? Both Kanye and Franco are wondering, and they are wondering convincingly. And they’re both wondering while wearing multiple plaid tops and hollering at the sky with arms outstretched. The point goes to Franco, ultimately, because we just noticed that he seems to be wearing a kilt of some sort.
Going Down
They say it’s better to give than to receive, but we’ll let you be the judge of this one. Verdict: draw.
Horses
All we can say about these majestic beasts of burden is this: you’re welcome.
You heard it here, folks: It’s a tie. Congratulations to Kanye, Kim Kardashian, James Franco and Seth Rogen — you’re all winners in our book.
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