Four months ago, Drake couldn’t even get inside an NBA locker room. That won’t be a problem anymore.
Because he’s just accepted a job with his hometown Toronto Raptors, taking on the role of “global ambassador” for the team. Just what that job will entail still isn’t clear: in theory, he’ll help raise the profile of the struggling franchise, as they gear up to host the NBA All-Star Game in 2016, and Raptors president Tim Lieweke told reporters Drizzy could also be involved in redesigning the team’s logo and colors.
At a press conference on Monday, Drake said he was open to any role with the team, and we believe him. Like Jay Z and Usher — who have held stakes in the NBA’s Nets and Cavaliers, respectively — Drake’s got big plans. In fact, here’s how we see the next 12 months of his tenure panning out, as he begins to reinvent the Raptors.
» Drake changes the name of the team to the Toronto Tuscan Leather.
» Intros to all home games will now be six-minutes long, feature no choruses.
» Assuming the role of GM, Drake immediately attempts to trade for Chris Paul and Anthony Davis, his eyebrow equals.
» Toronto becomes the first team in the NBA to wear ugly-ass sweaters during games.
» Drake to deliver pre-game pep talks in a wheelchair, a la his character on “Degrassi.”
» “Started from the Bottom” becomes the team’s official anthem, which is fitting because Toronto’s been at the bottom of the NBA for three years now.
» Drake replaces the court at the Air Canada Centre with a mural painted by Kadir Nelson, complete with blue skies and a baby Raptor with a pick in its Afro.
» Noah “40” Shebib named official DJ, just keeps playing cuts from ESPN’s Jock Jams, Volume 4.
» As part of a new team-wide policy, bench players no longer allowed to speak like starters.
» Drake takes backup center Jonas Valanĉiūnas under his wing, because he seems sad.
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