We’ve discussed 2014 VMA fashion down to the details, we’ve chosen our best dressed, and now we’ve enlisted the help of our longtime friend Jarvis Derrell (a.k.a. the brains behind #shehashadit) to give us his take on all things VMA.
ARIANA GRANDE
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YAAAAAAASSSSS KWEEN YAAAAAAAASSSS!!!! Whhheeeewww Babyiana Grande is declaring to the world, that she’s a Shondalababy no more. Church, Yaaaaaasssss!!!!! Now Kiesha, you know I live for a lady Kween in leather, and guuurrrllll, Miss Grande is letting me HAVE IT in every way possible. SERVE!!! This dress reminds me of that one time during the recession when I had to be a Craigslist dominatrix to support my addiction to online poker! WHEW!!! Don’t judge me Kweens, last month was real rough!!! In other news, congrats on SLAYING IT Ariana!!! #yaaaassss #omgthathighpony #ilive #20inchesofintergalacticpoprealness #andonemoreinchforthefans #amen #everybodyaintable #whewww #andthembootsgurrl #theonlybootsthatbelongonaredcarpet #10pointsforslytherin #moschino #comeandputyournameonit #leather #zippers #andpocketsohmy #barelylegal #butsoismypraise
TAYLOR SWIFT
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YAAAAAAAAASSSSS Tay Swift YAAAAAAAAASSSSS!!!! Guuurrrlll, who needs “body” when you can have long luxurious limbs of praise to ShondalaShake? Okaaaayyyy!!! Now church, you know I struggle with the idea of a high fashion romper covered in letters, 1.) because I’m dyslexic (self-diagnosed) and I don’t have the time, 2.) because it’s just plain against my religion ;). But I will say, Sister Swift really pulled it off! What a Sunday miracle church, I mean if I were her, I would have thrown in a little padding to fill it up in the right places, but HEY, this ain’t my church, I’m just the visiting minister, AMEN! #getherbodied #nothanks #skinnykweenopulence #broughttoyoubykaleandgoodcredit #readingromperstogo #ifyougetcloseenoughtoreadtheletters #youmostlikelyhavenolife #likeme #shakeitoff #shehashadit #thatswhatpeoplesay #mmmhhhmmm #nonthreatningwhitegurlhaircut #ilive #legslegslegs #twerkinginstilts #mustbenice #thekweensgonnakweenkweenkween #youknooowww #prayforme
RITA ORA
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KWEENS KWEENS KWEENS!!! Wheeeeeewwww!!!! Red on red Rita??? Guuurrrlll, how brave of you!!! Praise The Lordt church, if it wasn’t for that millennium mullet and all that creamy skin, I wouldn’t have even known she was even there!!! #wewererootingforyourita #itsok #youcouldstillgetit #iworethatsamenightgownonmyweddingnight #itgotrippedtoo #blackwidow #literally #thriveandthrob
KATY PERRY
Dear Sister Kween Perry, Riff Raff and over studded denim on denim almost makes me loose faith in Obamacare and humanity!!! #thedevilisaliar #crushedcandydreams #istillloveyouunconditionally #roar
AMBER ROSE
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ALERT ALERT ALERT KWEENS!!! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!! I repeat, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!! Whew Lordt, one wrong move and we could have all seen Amber’s rose!!! I mean church, did we not learn our lesson from the 1998 VMA’s with Sister McGowan??? #friendsdontletfriends #butwatch #someonesgonnatrytowearthistoprom #everybodyaintable #shehashadit
Leave it to the Legends AMEN KWEENS!!! Sometimes all you need is hashtags to describe seasoned perfection!
JENNIFER LOPEZ
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#jennyowningtheblock #skin #face #body #gown #bringitallinwithaclutch #myfave #selenawouldbesoproud #bidibidistillgotit #offensiveandrelevant #betterbevelsfor500alex #takenotesbabykweens #thisishowsitsdone #gagging #imean #shesoldenoughtobeagrandmaonteenmom #nailingit
BEYONCE
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#yooooonnnnnsayyy #opulencepersonafied #therightamoumtofglitz #therightamountofskin #pairedwith8poundearrings #flawless #weaverydoneright #noelevatorsinsight #glory
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