You are a movie fan, and so you probably know that director David Fincher began his ridiculously successful career directing music videos. It’s a fun fact you can point out to your unsuspecting date during particularly tense scenes of “Gone Girl,” Fincher’s latest directorial effort, out October 3rd.
One fantastic side effect of a great director beginning his career directing music videos in the 1980s? A great director directed a LOT of ’80s music videos! And with the magic of the 2014 intranets, we can watch them all whenever we want, complete with a frothy mix of shame and amusement.
But which 10 Fincher-helmed music videos are the most “’80s,” exactly? There’s no correct answer — from a cultural perspective, the 1980s was probably the single most distinguishable decade in American history, after all — but my goodness, the following 10 videos are spectacularly ’80s.
10. “Most of All,” Jody Watley (1988)
Nothing like opening your video with a close-up shot of Alka-Seltzer dissolving in water, the resulting carbonation covering some shirtless dude as he touches himself suggestively. Ladies and gentlemen, Ronald Reagan’s America.
9. “Say You Will,” Foreigner (1987)
Like “Most of All,” Foreigner’s “Say You Will” is both black and white and features extreme close-ups of everything, which…somehow works and I’ve had this song stuck in my head for three days now?
8. “Love Will Rise Again,” Loverboy (1987)
Best part: The concert’s sprinklers go off around the two-minute mark because Loverboy just made everything too hot. But! No one dies from electrical shock.
7. “Heart of Gold,” Johnny Hates Jazz (1988)
Johnny may hate jazz, but he sure as hell loves shapes of moving camera shots over one continuous background shot, doesn’t he? Yes, Johnny does.
6. “Celebrate Youth,” Rick Springfield (1984)
If you are of the appropriate age, as long as you really sold it, you could absolutely tell people you were one of the children jumping up and down in this video, and they wouldn’t be able to prove otherwise. So, you know, you got that going for you.
5. “Everytime You Cry,” The Outfield (1986)
There’s no one thing that is exceptionally ’80s about “Everytime You Cry,” per se, but watching this video brings you RIGHT BACK to 1986 in a way no other video on this list does. You will watch this video and then try to volunteer for Dukakis.
4. “She Comes On,” Wire Train (1987)
The minimal amount of frames per second of “She Comes On” means you can pause it at any point and just stare at the majesty that is Wire Train lead singer Kevin Hunter’s “I am in the ’80s and I am LOVING it” face.
3. “Johnny B,” The Hooters (1987)
I don’t want to be too critical of the titular character in The Hooters’ video for “Johnny B,” but it feels like he’s the type of guy that would have seriously benefited emotionally from the existence of Tinder.
2. “Endless Nights,” Eddie Money (1987)
And also endless fist pumps, endless silhouettes, endless Eddie Money Garth Algar haircuts, etc.
1. “Notorious,” Loverboy (1987)
Band pulling into their own concert in slow-motion: check. Band walking into arena like they own the place: check. Inexplicable hookup around the 1:35 mark: check. Congrats, Loverboy. You’re as ’80s as it gets.
“Gone Girl” hits theaters October 3.
Nick Blake
Nick Blake (@fictionalninja) is both a person who is upset that you haven’t seen “Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace” and a writer.
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