A lot of weird stuff went down in those classic Disney animated movies you loved growing up, but most of it got chalked up to stuff like whimsy or being part of a fairy tale.
If you take a step back, some of those characters were really messed up, socially irresponsible and throwers of shade, so here is my way too serious look at the strangest characters in Disney movies.
Sneezy in “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves”
Sneezy, it’s time to get whatever is going on here checked out. Why the hell are you sneezing so much? You’re a working adult. Go to the doctor. Don’t insist that the six other dwarves be okay with you spreading disease constantly.
Lady Tremaine in “Cinderella”
Seriously, who lives through the death of a spouse and then says to their dead husband’s only daughter “You’re a slave now”? The f–k? (Also, she gets a wand in “Cinderella III”? Also, there’s a “Cinderella 3″?)
Doorknob in “Alice in Wonderland”
From a biological standpoint, I have no idea what’s happening here. Worse than that, we have an anthropomorphized Home Depot purchase that tricks young girls into drinking vaguely labeled potions.
George Darling in “Peter Pan”
What is up with Nana? The father of Wendy, Michael and John have a dog that’s responsible for making the bed, cleaning up and dispensing medicine to the children. And yet, he gets mad because the dog stays in the house and occasionally acts like a dog.
Si and Am in “Lady and the Tramp”
Get away from the baby.
Madame Adelaide Bonfamille in “The Aristocats”
She’s leaving her entire fortune to four cats? I understand the gesture. It’s nice and all, but isn’t there anyone more deserving? Maybe give a few bucks to the man-servant Edgar, so that he isn’t forced to cat murder to make ends meet.
Mad Madam Mim in “The Sword in the Stone”
Look, the bird already explained that he’s not really a sparrow and that he’s actually a boy. And she still wants to eat him? Because he’s “good”?
Prince John in “Robin Hood”
At the very mention of his mother, the lion king begins to suck his thumb. Plus, he sleeps in a room full of money. I can’t think of a more insecure Disney character.
Sebastian from “The Little Mermaid”
“Sha-la-la-la, my, oh, my, look like the boy too shy. He ain’t gonna kiss the girl.” Back off, crab. Maybe Eric doesn’t want to kiss the girl, and you seem to be very okay with the concept of kissing without the woman’s consent.
The Entire Town in “Beauty and the Beast”
Belle enjoys the simple things, like a good story. She’s introverted but has a healthy relationship with her father, the bookshop owner and the baker. But to the rest of the town she’s this big weirdo. This is, by far, the most shade thrown in a classic Disney movie. And then they’re way too game to hunt down the Beast at Gaston’s suggestion. They’re the weird ones.
Rafiki in “The Lion King”
This guy has an interesting definition of the word “alive.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. He lives in Simba, but when someone says “alive,” most assume it means breathing and not actually dead. Also, he likes holding babies over cliffs.
Judge Claude Frollo in “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”
The dude is repressed.
Kevin P. Sullivan
Writer/editor for MTV. If it involves cowboys, spies, or hitmen, I’m there. All three would be ideal.
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