Ahh, “Forrest Gump.” The 1994 classic won the Oscar trifecta of Best Picture, Best Director and, of course, Best Actor for Tom Hanks. Hanks, as the simple-minded Forrest, taught us that life is like a box of chocolates, that stupid is as stupid does and that there are more varieties of shrimp than one could even dream of.
The movie, which came out 20 years ago today on July 6, 1994, also taught us another lesson, one that we probably didn’t even realize we learned. It taught us what Tom Hanks’ pubic hair looks like.
Yeah, really. Get ready to have some nightmares about America’s Dad. Oh, did you see “Captain Phillips” and cry? Get ready to cry again, for totally different reasons.
Oh, and it goes without saying that things are going to get borderline NSFW up in here, even if it does turn out to be a merkin.
And the best news is you don’t have to own this bad boy on DVD to check out Hanx’s downthere, it’s streaming on Netflix and we took the liberty of screencapping the play-by-play for you. The action occurs approximately 24 minutes in, immediately after Forrest is on the news for helping a girl with her books when his school is integrated.
Things start out innocently enough.
Paramount
Who’s that? Oh, it’s Forrest. Hi, Forrest.
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Wait, Forrest. What’s. Your. Oh, my.
Paramount
Is everyone OK with this?
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Forrest is OK with this.
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We’re really not going to say anything about this?
Paramount
Nope! Bye!
Paramount
There you have it: Your parents’ favorite movie, which you’ll see in a different light forever because OMG. Here, we have something you might want:
It’ll be OK. Time heals all wounds.
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