Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” successfully merged the world of haute cuisine and accessible, home cooking by emphasizing the importance of a few fundamental techniques.

Beating the sh** out of Fruity Pebbles with a wooden mallet wasn’t one of them.

On tonight’s “Snack-Off” episode, three amateur cooks battled it out for top honors — the coveted Golden Spork — as part of the show’s “After After Party” episode. In one heat, they had to make a snack that’d be perfectly fitting for a 3 a.m. binge, and in another, they pulled out all the stops to create a dish that emphasized the beauty of America’s favorite ladyfinger, the Twinkie.

Some entrees, like pina colada-infused French Toast, didn’t fly, but others, like tater tot-injected croquettes, soared. Either way, we got eyefulls of some…interesting…cooking methods along the way.

Check out five Anti-”Art of Cooking’ techniques from tonight’s episode!

Pouring jelly into scrambled eggs with cheese in them:

Blending chicken from a days-old take-out bucket:

Pouring vodka into doughnuts that you squished into doughnut balls:

Beating breakfast cereals into oblivion:

Wrapping raw bacon around a Twinkie:

Matthew Scott Donnelly

Even though he’s not up for a Moonman this year, Usher will definitely be at the 2014 Video Music Awards next month — and he’s f–king excited about it.

This year will mark his third time as a performer at the awards show, so before he looks ahead, he’s looking back in a brand-new promo for the August 24 show.

Ten years ago, the Everything You Can Imagine singer electrified the audience with a rockin’ mash-up of his megahits, “Confessions” and “Yeah.” He returned six years later to serve up an animated performance of “OMG” and “DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love.”

The R&B dynamo has already expressed his passion for performing live, so it’s a given that he’ll bring down the house again for round three.

And make no mistake about it, he’s just as excited as we are.

“I want my motherf–king MTV,” he says in the promo.

To see who takes home the Moonman, watch the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards, live on Sunday, August 24, at 9 p.m. ET/PT on MTV!

Maurice Bobb @ReeseReport

New Rule: 1 carat per month in love. Otherwise, you don’t really love her.

Chad Kroeger wanted to prove his ever-growing adoration for wifey Avril Lavigne by buying her the biggest, shiniest diamond on the block. For the couples one-year wedding anniversary, the Nickelback singer presented a 17-carat emerald-cut diamond ring to his lady.

Lavigne proved to be just as stunned as the rest of the Internet, declaring, “Wow. I love my hubby.”

This is Chad’s second offense at buying love, proposing to the “Hello Kitty” singer two years ago with a 14-carat pear-cut engagement ring.

Hopefully the glare off of Avril’s collective 31 carats doesn’t blind this love.

Jessica Hyndman

For Throwback Thursday, Jennifer Lopez dusted off her Jenny from the Block persona to help Fat Joe celebrate life on the new song, “Stressin’.”

The gritty, Rico Love-produced track starts off with Joey Crack declaring that “the Don Cartagena has returned,” before he dives headfirst into a litany of luxe lyrics about popping bottles and wearing designer fashions.

“It’s the Hublot show/ Seven figures on the wrist like you don’t know,” he raps before letting his fellow Boogie Down Bronx native sing the hook.

“So let me ask one question, do it look like we stressin’? / cause we ain’t,” she sings with that familiar J-Lo swagger.

Maurice Bobb @ReeseReport

There’s a faith-based film about “old-fashioned courtship” hitting theaters on the exact same day as the sinful, S&M-filled adaptation of “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

And if you thought that was some sort of divine coincidence, you’d be wrong.

Freestyle Releasing — the studio behind the equally wholesome “God’s Not Dead” — is rather openly marketing “Old Fashioned” as the anti- “Fifty Shades of Grey,” or — as it words it on its website — the David to “Fifty Shades’” Goliath.

The film, whose tagline promises that “Chivalry is making a comeback,” was written and directed Rik Swartzwelder, who also stars in the film as a former frat boy who falls for a “free spirited woman” played by Elizabeth Ann Roberts. According the the film’s synopsis, together they attempt “the impossible: an ‘old-fashioned’ courtship in contemporary America.”

Translation: no sex. Not even a little bit. None.

Why, you ask? Well, according to Swartzwelder, “Old Fashioned” is about upholding a “high standard in relationships.”

“I wanted to tell a love story that takes the idea of Godly romance seriously,” he said. “A story that, without apology, explores the possibility of a higher standard in relationships; yet, is also fully aware of just how fragile we all are and doesn’t seek to heap guilt upon those of us that have made mistakes.”

“Old Fashioned” hits theaters on Valentine’s Day 2015. Choose your side.

Emily Blake

Say what you want, but Kid Ink and Maejor Ali won’t care.

That’s what they profess in “I Don’t Care,” off of Ink’s major label debut, My Own Lane, which dropped earlier this year. And on Thursday (July 31), the two teamed up once again, this time to release the video for the track.

The Dan Centrone-directed clip is set in the studio, and features Ink and Ali rotating between rapping at the soundboard, in the booth, and face-to-face with the camera. The fact that it’s just the two of them in the video works for the song’s theme, as it tells tales of the Los Angeles rapper having to shut out all detractors along the way, and urges listeners to do the same.

Ink is getting ready to head overseas next month for a European tour that lasts through October.

Adam Fleischer

Everyone loves a song with a catchy hook, but every now and then (and sometimes a lot more often than that), the mood calls for a display of raw lyricism. And that’s exactly what Joe Budden and Ransom deliver on “Vietnam.”

Released on Monday (July 28), the track features a lengthy verse from both of the New Jersey natives, with bars that balance boasts and pictures of their Jersey roots. Plus a healthy dose of similes and verbal imagery.

This is the first collab in quite some time from Joey and Ran, as the former (and seemingly current) friends got involved in a dispute that lasted a few years and resulted in some fierce words — both on and off wax — from both sides. Now, though, it appears those days are behind fully them, and as this new record — which comes just a week after the two were spotted in the studio together — again proves, we’re better for it.

Adam Fleischer

Topshop/Splash News

Not that we didn’t already know this, but Cara Delevingne has got to be one of the best models to hang with. The UK beauty doesn’t take herself too seriously—she sings, plays the guitar and counts Rihanna as one of her besties. But today, she’s giving us a whole other reason to love her: as the new face of Topshop.

Topshop/Splash News

Just by looking at the campaign, it’s obvious that Cara knows how to have fun on set, and it’s no wonder Topshop named her the first-ever solo face of the brand. In a behind-the-scenes video reel from her shoot, she chills with her rabbit Cecil (who has her own Instagram, FYI), jams on her guitar, catches a ping pong ball in her mouth, dances on a balcony, and licks a mirror–and still manages to werk the clothing at hand. (Talk about skill.)

Topshop/Splash News

Cara also makes the simplest outfit combinations look like she invented them. Case in point: the look consisting of skinny jeans, black boots, a white tank, and an anorak that would be #basic on anyone else, but somehow comes across as sultry on Cara. She wears fur and sandals just as well, as if it’s totally natural to pair together a dead-of-winter coat with summer heels. We’re not even questioning it.

Topshop/Splash News

Kate Phelan, Topshop’s ...

Not only did Justin Bieber nab the Champ for Charity honor at Sunday’s 2014 Young Hollywood Awards, but he used that moment to show why he truly earned it by giving his hardware to a Make-A-Wish fan.

Schoolboy Records labelmate Cody Simpson presented the “Confident” singer with his award, accompanied by a montage of Bieber’s work with the Make-A-Wish foundation.

Getty Images

“Someone asked me backstage and they said, ‘What’s it like to give?’ And I didn’t really know what to say, but now I know it’s so much better than receiving,” Bieber said during his acceptance speech, according to The Los Angeles Times. He then beckoned Grace Kesablak to the stage, a Make-A-Wish recipient who asked to be a part of the event, and handed off his award to the young girl with a tear-jerking hug.

Getty Images

Bieber holds the record for most Make-A-Wish grants with more than 200.

Getty Images

Justin left the event quickly after receiving his award, probably because he’s been super busy pumping out new ...

The Young Hollywood Awards handed out awards to some of your favorite fresh-faced celebs at The Wiltern in Los Angeles Sunday night, with Kelly Osbourne hosting, and Chloe Grace Moretz and Ansel Elgort going home with the top awards — and some choice selfies. Here’s who won what, with the photos to prove it.

The Young Hollywood Awards air tonight (July 28) at 8/7c on The CW.

Chloe Grace Moretz
What she won: Fan Favorite Award – Female
Where to see her: “Clouds of Sils Maria,” “Dark Places,” this exclusive clip of “If I Stay”

Young Hollywood selfie:

Ansel Elgort
What he won: Fan Favorite Actor – Male
Where to see him: “The Fault in Our Stars”
Young Hollywood selfie:

Related: Ansel Elgort And Dylan O’Brien Were Adorably Coordinated At The Young Hollywood Awards!

Nick Jonas
What he won: Coolest Crossover Artist
What to watch: “Careful What You Wish For,” new music like “Chains”
Young Hollywood selfie:

Justin Bieber
What he won: Champ Of Charity Award
Why he won the whole show: He brought a young fan and Make-A-Wish recipient named Grace Kesablak on stage and gave her his award.
What to watch for: New music, probably on Instagram

Vanessa Hudgens
What she won: Trendsetter Award
What to watch for: Her sexy, unretouched Bongo ads!
Young Hollywood selfie:

Dylan O’Brien
What he won: Breakthrough Actor
Where to watch him: “Teen Wolf,” “The Maze Runner”

Danielle Brooks
What she won: Breakthrough Actress
Where to watch her: “Orange Is the New Black”
Young Hollywood selfie:

Ashley Tisdale
What she won: #SocialMediaSuperstar
Where to watch ...